30 Days of Gratitude: Reconciliation
Thanksgiving Day, Brett Favre came back to Lambeau Field to have his number retired. When he was playing for the rival Vikings in 2009-2010, I absolutely despised him. What a difference five years made for me and countless other Packer fans. Our attitudes had changed and we welcomed him back with open arms. This past summer, he came to Green Bay and spoke in an honest and unscripted way that did so much to patch up the bad feelings that developed when he left the Packers and ended up playing for a division rival.
Reconciliation often is not easy. Depending on the circumstances, deep wounds can exist that are difficult to heal. And both parties need to be at the table in order for there to be success.
I don’t know if it was merely coincidence, but I experienced a couple of major reconciliations during my month of gratitude. They came about in totally different ways. Both individuals have been significant and dear parts of my life for a very long time. With one person, I had committed the transgression. As far as I can measure, it was a little over a year ago. In the interim, I had tried desperately to mend fences. What was most difficult for me is the fact that I crave clarity. As much as I kept pleading for that clarity, it didn’t come. But what finally happened was that I was able to sense a subtle thaw. Again, I don’t do very well with subtle. But because I have started to be more mindful of how I am contributing to any situation, I gave up my relentless efforts of trying to chip away at the block. Instead, I opened my heart to letting it all go and respecting the way that this reconciliation was going to materialize. And in this month of gratitude, the thaw became complete. Best of all, I no longer doubt its authenticity.
The second reconciliation was much clearer, but took a lot longer to achieve. Four years ago I abandoned one of the closest friendships I had at the time. I simply had enough. I felt betrayed and hurt and in response, I lashed out and cut this person out of my life. We continued to interact, as we shared a common activity, but it was all superficial. As much as I missed this person’s presence in my life, I felt no need to try to patch things up. And the less interaction we had, the easier it was for me to just forget about all the good times. Except there were those picture books commemorating fun times. And those times when I wanted to share something that I knew only this person would understand.
Last month we had a nice conversation and I felt my heart actually soften. And then, in my month of gratitude, I felt this strong push to extend an olive branch. In doing so, I acknowledged the part I played in the demise of the friendship. I acknowledged how much I had missed this person. And I acknowledged how important this person had been to me. It was an amazing moment in its pureness and honesty.
What I have learned about reconciliation, is that there is no correct way to go about it. But if it is from the heart, there is simply no way it can be anything but just right.