Casey Mae's Challenge
The purpose of this post is to chronicle my journey with Casey Mae through her surgery to remove a mass in her lung, and the subsequent cancer diagnosis and treatment. I have not focused on writing well as much as just memorializing this experience. At this point, as I look back on it, it was a very dark period for me. But today (the first day of April), I feel like she has dragged me back into the light. She was always in the light, and for that I am eternally grateful.
December 29, 2014
Casey Mae underwent surgery to remove her right cranial lung lobe. We had discovered a small lump back in April, merely by doing x-rays in a wellness exam. We monitored it and by November it had tripled in size. A fine needle aspirate was inconclusive and the consensus was to have the lobe removed.
I have never felt like I let her down as much as I did on that day. For some reason, I could not remain upbeat. I fought tears the entire time we were at the surgeon’s and throughout the day. She was perfect. There was absolutely no sign that anything was amiss. Yet I was choosing to expose her to a very significant surgery. It seemed so unfair of me. When I left, I could tell I left her worried. I will always regret that.
December 30, 2014 Home again!
I should mention that I sent Jet off to the field trainer the day before her surgery. I was very afraid that he would not be able to respect her limitations. I also knew that he needed exercise and we needed to lay low for a couple of weeks. So when CM came home, it was all Mommy and me time.
She had trouble early on recognizing her own limitations. There was more than one dramatic moment when she tried going down stairs or jumping off something without permission or supervision. The first week or so was stressful. We learned the word “EASY” and it was utilized liberally.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
This was the day I got the diagnosis of histiocytic sarcoma. It was also the first day I focused in on what academics veterinarians can be. As I struggled to understand what the surgeon was saying, the best I could manage was that this was a rare form of this type of cancer. But what made it rare was that it appeared to have been contained within the tumor. We had done ultrasounds of the rest of CM’s insides and everything looked clean. That said, the surgeon referred me to an oncologist, interestingly, one I had seen almost 10 years prior for a follow up on my golden retriever.
The way I cope with things I feel I have no control over is to do things I can control. So the next day I set up an appointment with the oncologist – as soon as we could be seen.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
After 12 days of basically doing nothing, we left the house and ran some errands. The first item of business was to get the sutures out and that was uneventful. We then stopped by the flyball tournament. I was worried about my ability to hold the tears back, but it ended up being a very nice, positive experience. Many people approached us and gave CM lots of love. It is wonderful to feel so supported. From there, we went out for a massage. I learned a ton at that session. Most importantly, I learned that CM was likely in desperate need of a chiropractic adjustment, due to all the handling during surgery. I felt very grateful to receive this information and promptly set up an adjustment for that following Monday.
Monday, January 12, 2015
So glad to have done the adjustment. Turns out she needed her ribs adjusted, along with other areas of her body. And I realized the magnitude of this surgery in ways I think I had been in denial about previously. Where I had thought we could pick up right where we left of, it was now clear to me that there was work to be done so that the incision could heal up and loosen up. Until that happened, she was going to have restricted range of motion and pain.
When we got home, I set out to teach her a new trick: “high five.” It had been years since I taught CM anything new and I approached this in such a new, relaxed fashion. She wanted to raise up her left paw, obviously because it was less painful. But by the end of the evening, I was getting her to at least move her right paw in the general direction.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
A pretty Sunday. We took a nice, leisurely walk around the neighborhood. CM was on the flexi, so got to set her own pace. It was wonderful.
Monday, January 19, 2015
My agility trainer cancelled our scheduled lesson, but I made arrangements for us to have some ring time. The chiropractor recommended jumping her at 4 inches and doing the weave poles slowly. She loved it! We cheated and raised the bars to 8 inches! Then had another adjustment and everything was very good. Feels like we are finding our way back to our old life.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Today we met with the oncologist. I remembered him from many years ago when he consulted on a mast cell tumor on Molly. He did not remember me, but bragged that he never forgot anyone. He talked non-stop for at least 10 minutes. CM fell asleep. I remember getting lost in the fog of statistics, studies, papers and presentations. And then I agreed to chemo. At some point when I asked to clarify something, he jokingly asked, “haven’t you been listening?” I wanted to punch him in the mouth.
On the way home the tears slid down my cheeks. I did not want for this to be our future.
We stopped at our neighborhood park and I took out a bumper. I thought CM was going to lose it, she was so excited. I only threw the bumper a couple of times, but she was in heaven. She doesn’t know anything about any of this. She only knows she can retrieve again.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
I have to add this entry because it was one of the hardest days I can remember. I spent the entire day fighting back tears. I started one of the most difficult trials of my career. At the end of the day, I realized I had gotten a call from Tim, Jet’s field trainer, with whom I had left him three weeks prior. My heart was pounding and my stomach was churning as I feared the worst. I listened to Tim’s voice – it sounded so serious. And then he told me what a good boy Jet had been in his training sessions that day. I could not stop the tears. The emotions were just too much. I pulled myself together enough to wait for the bus. I got home and sobbed uncontrollably. And ordered a pizza. And had a beer. And got ready for the next day.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Today was the first day of chemo. I dropped her off around 7:30 and raced into work to get ready for the trial. I came up to my office on the break to find a 2 minute barely coherent voicemail from the oncologist telling me, in essence, that CM’s kidney values were a bit low. I called them back and let them know, in no uncertain terms, that he needed to learn to be more concise. Horrible traffic at the end of the day for picking her up. I think I got home around 7-7:30. Ugh. Not helping my stress level to be doing this while in a jury trial.
Saturday-Sunday, January 24-25, 2015
This was a difficult weekend because it was my club’s flyball tournament and I was not running a dog, but nevertheless, expected to work. I couldn’t shake the sadness I felt going to the tournament site. As it turned out, many of my teammates were very kind and the periods of time I worked, it was considerably less painful than I had imagined. And both days of the weekend, I took CM to the park for some short bumper retrieves. She absolutely loved it and I left her quite disappointed when I decided we had to quit.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Jet came home!!! And CM promptly humped him once they were in the house. I am starting to feel like the pieces of my life are coming back together.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Tonight we went to flyball practice. We have a vet on our team and I could see she was not happy that CM came to practice. I saw nothing to give me concern and I wanted her to start getting her old life back. We had a wonderful time. I stopped with her wanting to do more and that felt good.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Today, CM raced in her first flyball tournament since November. It was wonderful. She was pulling to run and had her usual “pounce” on the box. She ran beautifully and only showed signs of tiring later in the day on Sunday.
I have been advised that with her lowered WBC, she is at a higher risk to catch an infection. A friend told me that most people whose dogs are undergoing chemo tend to keep them away from shows and activities. I cannot do that while she is so energetic and happy. I hope I do not regret this decision.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Well…..hard to say if the flyball tournament played a role, but her WBC did not come back high enough for them to do chemo today. Very frustrating, because I got the news just as I was pulling into my parking space at work. I had a bit of flexibility to pick her up a little early and was absolutely shocked at the bill. $282. What was most irritating was that she had undergone a “chemo exam” when she wasn’t even going to be having chemo. I suggested that in the future, we do the CBC right away and if she is not good to go, then I take her back home immediately and they don’t charge me for other tests that are not necessary on that day.
However, that being said, the $63.75 “chemo exam” did not turn up a temperature, so I am hoping that means she did not have an active infection and her numbers were still low because of the chemo. It was a bit concerning that they were lower than the previous Friday. I would have thought they would be back on their way up.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Went for a Tuesday chemo session in hopes of staying on schedule before we head on vacation. I got permission to work remotely, so my plan was to stay at the clinic until her session was done, then bring her home and then go into work. It went perfectly. It was the best session yet – she was done by 9:10, I got her home and myself to work by 10:30. If only life could continue in this fashion.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Not great news today – CM’s WBC and neutrophils were the lowest they have been since we have started the chemo. You wouldn’t know it, as she is not sick, but she is at a heightened risk to catch something. I have great difficulty keeping her in the bubble she probably should be in, but we did skip flyball practice that night. I can see she’s getting cabin fever……
Monday, March 9, 2015
Agility lessons and adjustments all around! Happy times!
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Successful chemo round. I stayed there and did work and then brought her home. Left my work laptop at the bus stop and realized it shortly after I had gotten on the bus. Got off at the next stop, took a cab back, and found it, right where I left it. Feeling very lucky. Also feeling like it’s all still a bit too much and that vacation cannot come soon enough.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
CBC at a very pleasant clinic in Athens, GA. The next day I find out that, on top of everything, CM is Lyme positive. We get a prescription for doxycycline which starts out at $300 and gets reduced to $140. How much can this little dog endure? Asymptomatic for sure, but I am going to treat it in hopes of getting those WBC to bounce back a little better.
CONCLUSION: I have decided to end this, because it is very long and I feel like the worst of it is over. We had an amazing vacation and CM participated to the fullest extent.
Tomorrow will mark the halfway point for the chemo sessions. 5 down and 5 more to go. She will also get x-rays to check for any spread of the cancer.
I will write one more post after things have wrapped up. I have continued to be amazed at the resiliency of my CM. She has no idea what her body has had to battle over the last year and her energy and attitude have never been better. I continue to stress and get tearful from time to time, but I am focusing on mirroring her view on life. It surely is the better one to have.