SERENDIPITY, CLARITY, AND COURAGE
"When you are distressed by an external thing, it's not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment's notice." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.47
Last year was difficult for me both personally and professionally. In April I was informed that I would be transferred to our civil division. It was an assignment I did not request, knew nothing about, and feared I would hate. I started this assignment in June and while I struggled mightily to maintain a confident aura, deep inside I felt insecurity like I had never felt before. As my Dad's health continued to deteriorate, I found myself struggling with bouts of depression and significant physical pain. I found solace in the wonders of nature in my small city back yard and on day trips out to the country.
In late September, after a completely random encounter with a guy I knew through dog training, my life completely changed. Turns out in addition to being a really good financial planner, he excels as a life coach.
He accelerated my life plan of moving to the country by suggesting that it was a good time to sell my Minneapolis house.
I resisted. I was adamant I couldn't do the commute.
The next thing I knew, I was putting hundreds of miles on my car in a span of about three weeks. I took my best traveling companions with me as I explored various land parcels. With each subsequent visit I felt an increasingly strong pull towards country living. I wanted lots of land with just a modest house.
It seemed, however, that there was a distinct possibility that what I envisioned might simply not exist.
By mid-December, I decided to suspend my search. I recognized that I had the benefit of time. I was still over two years away from retirement and I had been pushing myself unnecessarily. It is how I am. I had spent all my spare time obsessing over this - establishing a budget and putting miles on my car looking at places. It was now time for a break.
For some reason, the same evening that I decided to suspend my search, I started the process to be approved for financing. I also felt a push to do one more online query with a bit of modifying of my criteria. It was then that my dream property appeared.
Thirty days later I would close. Five months after that, I would hand over the keys to the bungalow to new owners and leave behind 28 years of city living. The speed with which my life completely changed was breathtaking. The stress, at times, was overwhelming. But somehow, thanks to my ongoing practice of stoicism, I learned to simply put one foot in front of the other - take one day at a time, and breathe deeply as needed.
It has recently occurred to me that that I could not live where I live now if I had not been involuntarily transferred to the position I thought I would hate. I marvel now at how awful I felt when the news was broken to me eighteen months ago.
I now feel deep gratitude for that event and each and every subsequent event, big and small, planned and unplanned, that has contributed to where I am today.
I am grateful for all of the setbacks and stumbles because they revealed the strength of my convictions. They also revealed the strength of friendships.
I am grateful for the ridiculous commute that I previously thought I could not endure. I am grateful for room to roam. I am grateful for the stars in the sky and the sparkles on the ground when I run the dogs in the dark at 5:15 a.m. I am grateful for my prairie garden and for my human and wildlife neighbors. I am grateful for every sunrise and sunset.
I'm grateful that 2018 taught me to take nothing for granted ever again.
I'm grateful that I could tell my Dad that all my dreams have come true. It meant so much to him. It was his wish for me almost thirty years ago.