Happy Valentine’s Day to all who celebrate!
I’ll always remember 2018 as the year I had an epiphany about myself. That spring, someone I considered to be a good friend told me—in a most direct manner—that their spouse thought I was “high strung.”
It felt like a gut punch. I mean, “high strung” sounds like an immature child who can’t keep it together. Why my friend felt they needed to share that tidbit with me, I’ll never know. Suffice to say, it was the beginning of the end of that particular friendship.
But I digress…
Some months later, and only a few weeks after my dad passed, I took a guided tour of the fall wildflowers at my local wildlife refuge. It was a beautiful day, and—for just the briefest of moments—I pushed my grief aside to fully partake in the joy of learning new things.
As the tour was winding down back at the parking lot, a woman approached me and told me she just wanted to say hi, because she loved my “fluffy” energy.
Now that was quite unexpected. Flushed with a bit of embarrassment, I joked that surely she was referring to my hair, which, at the time was short and quite fluffy.
Nope, it was my unbridled enthusiasm for the beautiful flowers we saw on our tour that attracted her.
Did you know joy is contagious?
On my way home, I pondered how I could be both high strung and fluffy. One description felt icky, and the other felt positively sweet.
Here’s the epiphany: people’s feelings about me are reflections of them, not me.
Why did it take me until I hit my fifties to realize this? Because I took everything personally. Wait, no, I took everything negative about me personally and struggled to accept compliments. I know I’m not alone here; so many of us are conditioned that way and it’s really a shame.
When I came across the Instagram post depicted above, I knew I’d found my spirit character in Tigger. Tigger’s intense. Super fun. Bouncy. Unsettling, maybe even scary. It just depends on which character is interacting with him. I’ve now read about a theory that all the characters in the Winnie the Pooh stories were based on different personality types. But that’s a deeper dive than I need to take right now.
Valentine’s Day celebrates romantic love. I’ve never been good at romantic love and, at some point in my early forties, I gave up trying. Recently, I posted a comment on another Instagram account that resonated with A LOT of people:
I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating, specifically on a day like today: if we’ve taken the time to practice loving ourselves, that love will also be reflected onto others and come back around in many delightful ways. Romance does not have the corner on the love market.
So give yourself a compliment! A real compliment. And then give one to someone else. It’s an easy way to spread love, especially on a day where many feel left out.
Thanks for reading! See you next month.
~ Debbie
PS: if you’ve been meaning to leave a review for Crossing Fifty-One, you can do so HERE. You’ll also see it’s at a great price if you want to give a gift to a friend or family member! Thanks so much!
February Podcast Recommendation:
I found Nedra Glover Tawwab on Instagram (of course!) and have recommended her newsletter here on Substack. Her advice around boundaries is spot on and so needed by so many of us!
February Book Recommendations:
Nonfiction:
Arthur Brooks, the author of Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier has been researching happiness and better life models for years. An interesting takeaway from this book is his use of the PANAS (Positive And Negative Affect Schedule) test. I took it and learned that I’m a “mad scientist,” which means I react intensely in both positive and negative ways. In other words, I’m Tigger.
You can take the PANAS test HERE, and find a great interview with Arthur Brooks about using its results HERE.
Fiction:
First published in 1958, The Best of Everything followed the lives of five young women trying to make it in New York City. And each of them defined “make it” differently. Recently reissued, it’s a good reminder of how limited women’s options were back then.