Winter Solstice, S.A.D., and Holiday Estrangements

But I Digress…December 2025

Happy Winter Solstice to all who celebrate!

Living in central Minnesota, I’m happy to be a fan of winter, even the whiplash version we’re getting this year! At one point there was about ten inches of snow on the ground and it was the light, powdery stuff. Great for snowshoeing and not too hard on the heart for shoveling.

Then came the thaw, followed by a freeze and the driveway has turned into an ice rink. Not ideal for dogs who are neither careful nor mindful of their speed. So we’ll stay off the driveway until the surface is more conducive to racing and shenanigans.

I also love winter for the opportunity to slow down, minimize my traveling, and maximize my reading time. There’s a definite coziness that I try to lean into as an antidote to the increased darkness.

But I digress…

I recognize that seasonal affective disorder is real and, for many of us, can be debilitating as we struggle to find motivation during the cold, dark months. On top of that, the concentration of holidays can reintroduce grief, making it difficult to even get out of bed in the morning.

Last year, the season brought me an extra helping of grief as I worked with my wonderful narrator/producer Cassandra Parker on the audiobook version of Crossing Fifty-One. The process required me to re-read the entire book as I listened to Cassandra’s narration, in order to identify any mistakes or little tweaks I wanted her to make.

Grief, as all of you know, is tricky. You think you’re doing just fine and then something comes along and knocks you right over. For me, it was the reminder that Christmases in my family were more about the show than the spirit. I know for others who have lost family members around the holidays, each year can be so painful. I’m thinking of all of you during this time.

The holidays also seem to exacerbate family tension, or at least add significant stress for people who are navigating blended families, addiction and mental health issues, or simply unrealistic expectations. I’m sharing this family photo from 2001 because I was struck by our eyes. They’re not smiling eyes. They’re “let’s get this over with so we can eat” eyes. What do you think?

Ever since I began studying family dynamics in earnest (meaning: reading advice columns 😜), I saw more and more evidence that many of the familial ties that bind are significantly frayed. Before I continue, I need to add an important disclaimer: I do not believe all families are like this. Maybe not even most.

However, just in time for Thanksgiving, Oprah Winfrey dropped a new podcast episode, where she talked about the “trend” in adult children going no contact with their parents. You can watch it HERE. I take issue with the characterization of this phenomenon as a trend. Many generations of adult children have been estranged from their parents. My mother’s sister was estranged from my grandmother. I’ve never been able to find out exactly what caused it, but it lasted for decades, and was only interrupted by a handful of visits where everyone endeavored to be on their best behavior.

A common form of estrangement is the “quiet quitting” where a family member just fades away and drops out of contact for extended periods of time. My brother mastered the art of quiet quitting, and it was painful for all of us. Despite my plea for family counseling, it became something simply to endure.

I believe the “trend” that Oprah references is simply society becoming more forgiving of those of us who choose to spend our time and energy with people who nurture us and lift us up, rather than force relationships that are unhealthy at best and abusive at worst. If that’s how your holidays are looking this year, I fully support you!

Wishing you peace, and see you next month!

~ Debbie

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The book that keeps on giving…

I had a great time talking about Crossing Fifty-One with Emma Collins, host of Write On! Radio on KFAI in Minneapolis! You can listen to the episode HERE. This was on the heels of a stimulating library presentation up in Wadena, Minnesota. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of these conversations!

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DECEMBER BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

Fiction: The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

This is one of my favorite books I read this year. As a skimmer, I had to slow down to absorb the nuances in the opening letters, but once I did that, I found the entire story to be captivating. Plus, there’s a happy ending to a family estrangement!

Nonfiction: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

I was not familiar with Dave Eggers before learning about this book, which I read as research for Crossing Fifty-One. His writing gets a little manic at times, but if you’re looking for a story about what it’s like to be a caretaker for a younger sibling, this book is for you.